Long time no see, y’all.
Welcome back to the Broke-Ass Transwoman. Now that I’ve crawled out of the shitpile that is March, I’m ready to get back into writing articles and posts, and generally fulfilling the giant me shaped hole in your life.
In all seriousness, thank you for your patience. March was an incredibly difficult month for me–partially due to adjusting to hormones again, since I was off them for a period of time due to insurance reasons.
It also pains me to say that the update schedule is now…pretty much whenever I can or am able to. I’m not able to keep up the pace I’ve set for myself, and since this is not a full-time gig, I need to be realistic for what I can get done.
Anyway, all that said–if you follow me on Facebook, you’ll know that I’m doing a Q&A this week! People submitted questions through a Google Doc you can find here:
I’ve already gotten a number of great questions, so this will be more than one post, though it is unlikely to be the next one, as I do want to get back into writing the core content for this blog. Also, a number of these questions will require more focus than JUST being in a questions and answers post, and will likely have to have their own post to address it.
Let’s get started!
Question 1: I am thinking of trying out new pronouns but I’m scared to ask others. I fear that I just want attention and I’m just a greedy cis and not really queer in any way. How can I see if new pronouns feel good for me? How did you go about asking others to use correct pronouns?
Ah, this is difficult. I understand your trepidation–people often make demands that anything we label ourselves as has to be some permanent fixture that is immovable and can absolutely never be changed.
Which, quite frankly, is absolute bullshit.
You have every right to try out new pronouns. You have every right to try and seek out whatever identity that feels right, and you are allowed to struggle with figuring out which terminology, if any, is right or not. This is a personal exploration of who you are and your personal need to be a complete and whole person.
To put it simple: Anyone who tells you you can’t try new pronouns, or gives you shit because another identity fits you better than a previous one is an asshole. Period. You are not in the wrong.
As far as how I went about asking people to use my pronouns–I have to be honest, a lot of my friends were tripping up and calling me “she” long before I admitted to anyone I was trans. I, like you, had a rough time finding and figuring out my identity, and I was adamant for a long time that I wasn’t trans. I just wanted to wear makeup and skirts, that didn’t MAKE me a girl–and to be fair, I was right. What made me a girl was that I was one, even if I struggled to figure it out.
As for those that hadn’t started tripping up, I just asked them to use the right pronouns. If they refused to, I cut them off, including my own mother for a long time. That won’t work for everyone, and to a degree you do need to exercise some patience while people adjust to your new pronouns, but if they outright refuse, they’re in the wrong.
I promise, there is a more detailed post on finding your identity and pronouns, and how people can try to police identity coming soon. In fact, it’s been mostly written for a month, and I need to finish it.
Question 2: What are the most obnoxious things cis parents of trans kids say, and how does this impact their kids?
Oh, lord. Are you trying to get me swarmed by angry parents? Because that’s what’s going to happen.
I’m kidding. Mostly. Being a parent is hard in general, especially when their child is going through something they may not understand. The most obnoxious thing that a parent can do is to not let their child explore their identity. Childhood is a malleable thing–children are constantly seeking to figure out who they are, what they like, and who they want to be. Even the most cis person can go through periods where they question who they are, and how they want to present themselves–just because your little boy wants to wear dresses doesn’t mean he’s going to end up gay or trans or whatever. If they are those things, they will be regardless of that, so let them explore.
Other than that, some of the things parents say involve repeating things they have heard about trans people from cis people–either from their church officials or even from their doctors. Unfortunately, stigma against trans people is so strong you can’t always accept the words of medical professionals, even though you should be able to.
Question 3: Tips for dressing fabulously on a tight budget.
So, I’m shit at this, but Clarissa Kent, our guest-writing succubus friend, has some things planned for you. Stay tuned. 😉
Question 4: What advice do you have for cisgendered fiction writers who wish to write transgender characters?
So this question was asked more than once, and though I could answer here, I have a lot of thoughts on the matter, and I think it needs to be a separate blog entry. For reference, I do write fiction–in fact, I’ve written a lot more fiction in my life than anything like the articles here, so I have T H O U G H T S on this.
Like the previous question, stay tuned–and also, thank you for the idea for a post, I appreciate it.
Question 5: What are the three most important things you would tell younger trans people?
There are a lot of things I would love to say to younger trans people, but if I’m limited to only three…
1. You don’t owe anyone your identity–it can be hard knowing you’re trans when your young. Your parents may not understand, you can be bullied. It’s not an easy existence. You don’t have to tell anyone until you’re ready–whether that’s when you’re 13 or 22. Take your time.
2. No matter what anyone says, no matter what you may look like, your identity is valid. If they say otherwise, they’re wrong. It doesn’t matter if they’re an adult, a parent, a doctor, or a teacher. They. Are. Wrong.
3. You will find the people that will love and care for you not just in spite of who you are, but because of it. You will find people who will embrace you for who you are. Whether that’s a romantic connection or a friendship, keep searching, and don’t lose hope even if it feels lonely.
4. (Because I do what I want, damn it) DON’T FUCKING USE GAUZE OR DUCT TAPE TO WRAP YOUR CHEST TRANSMEN AND ENBIES IT IS UNSAFE.
Like I said, there’s a lot more I’d say, but I think that’s good for now.
Alright, so that’s it for part 1 of this Q&A! I’ll do another one in the future with the remaining questions, and if you care to submit a query, use the following link:
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